this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize