the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
