For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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