Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
