I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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