evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
