woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
