even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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