fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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