How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
