There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
