she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I pour the whiskey from now on
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
