at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
