is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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