hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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