I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
