shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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