Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
