btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
