My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
