I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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