Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
