I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
