we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
