You just made me feel so damn special
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
