I cannot find my penis.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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