The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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