You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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