the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
