You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
