the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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