I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
