I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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