it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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