I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
