I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
