96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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