420 ftw
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
