Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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