You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
