y did u give ur computer a hand job?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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