nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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