6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
