cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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