i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
