Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
