Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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