Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
