apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
