ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
