Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
