Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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