he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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