Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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