Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize