I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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