I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize