i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
