Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
