He uses pillows to masturbate.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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