My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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