Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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