My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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