I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
