Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
