Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
