Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
