New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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