doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
