when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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