it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
