my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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