I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
